Almost Reviews: Silent Hill – Revelations and The Man With The Iron Fists

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Mad spoilers.

Silent Hill: Revelation – 4/10

  • I’ve come to the conclusion that any movie title that reads “Movie Title: ______-tion” will immediately suck.
  • Smh at Pyramid basically becoming an esper. I guess when shit gets real, he’s the one to summon. On a serious note, I am still trying to figure out how an executioner turned into a babysitter. It’s like watching Freddy Kruegar become a hairdresser…or Arnold Schwarzenegger become a pregnant man.
  • Heather Mason was the only decent thing in that entire movie which crushes my soul.
  • Carrie-Anne Moss is a great actress who I know would have done an exceptional job in portraying the tragedy of Claudia Wolf. Instead, (a)she is barely shown in the movie, and (b)she is used in a horrible way to force an unnecessary final battle sequence. I sighed so hard during the last 10-15 minutes of the movie.
  • I’m still laughing at Pyramid Head operating the carousel. So, he’s a babysitter and an amusement park worker. Must be making some side cash for the holidays.
  • The music was amazing, of course. Akira Yamaoka always makes amazing music. Jeff Danna is not bad either.
  • Visually, the movie was stunning. The only scene that looked like crap to me was the mannequin scene. That monster was overly ‘shopped and not even remotely disturbing.
  • OT: I really wanted to chokeslam the girl behind me who kept calling Heather a ‘dumb bitch’. Considering the amount of times she screamed (and the movie wasn’t even scary), I am going to take a wild guess and say that she wouldn’t last two seconds in Silent Hill. So, yeah…have a seat. Or, in that case, stand up and sit back down again.
  • I hope the ending was just an easter egg/cameo, and not a way of saying that the next movie will be about Downpour.
  • Overall, I am not shitting on the movie. It is okay as a horror movie, but disappointing as a SH movie. From what I read, the guy who was involved in the first movie is in jail or something, and this current guy worked on Solomon Kane. So…yeah…that actually explains a lot.
  • I wouldn’t buy the DVD or anything. It’s one of those “once is enough” type of movies.

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The Man With The Iron Fists – 7/10

  • This comes as no surprise, but the soundtrack was nice.
  • The plot was kind of WTF, but it is a movie about a black man in ancient China who eventually gets iron fists. Then again, I heard that the movie was supposed to be 4 hours long, yet it was truncated to 90 minutes. So, that also explains why the story felt so choppy and off-balance.
  • As much as I like the RZA, I really think he was a poor choice for the protagonist.
  • The fight scenes were fun, which is why they should have had more.
  • Me, as soon as Brass Body showed up on screen: “OH SHIT IT’S BATISTA!”
  • Madame Blossom’s death was so unnecessary. I really hate that crap in movies. “Oh, look at me kicking ass for five minutes. Now I’m going to turn my back for one second, and UGH DEAD.”
  • Visually, it was very pleasant.
  • I’d buy the DVD…mostly to “brush up” on the dialogue. I missed out on some of the things said because the music was way louder than the dialogues for some reason.
  • All I could think during the battle scene with the Geminis vs Lions was Bayonetta. Dem guns in random locations.
  • Not a bad movie. It did what it was trying to do: pay homage to old school karate/kung-fu flicks. It had some flaws here and there, but it wasn’t so overbearing that I disliked it.

As always, everything on this blog is my opinion, and it is not meant to be an agree-with-me-or-you’re-a-(random insult) type of thing.

With that said, I shall continue with more almost reviews in the future. More than likely, my next one will be “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey”

*crosses fingers*

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