065: The Starlight’s Flower

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★彡 GEEEENNOOOO !  Geno gives me life (and Vivi too…BUT GENO THO)! I adore him so much, and I am so heated with Nintendo right now because they did not put him in Super Smash Brothers Brawl and I do not appreciate that shit one bit. Speaking of Super Mario RPG, I was working on another replay last week when I ran into that boss battle with Valentina. In all my years playing this game, last week was the first time I noticed that attacking her makes her chest jiggle. Trust Square to slip inappropriate things in a children’s game and hope that no one notices. XD

☆彡 Added some new pages whilst possibly abusing my privilege to add new pages. Fufufu~ Anyway, if a page suddenly becomes password protected it is because I am working on it. The draft section definitely needs a lot of work, but hopefully it will be done soon.

★彡 One does not simply listen to “L.E.S” by Childish Gambino once.

☆彡 I finally bought a new scanner! *dansu* I am going to do mostly lineart from now on. I’ll color it later when I (a)have a working tablet and (b)study up on digital coloring. This is an opportunity in disguise, really. I do need the practice, and lots of it!

★彡 Link’s favorite thing to do now: follow Mark and me into the bathroom, and attack us when we try to remove him. One we decide to leave him alone, he just sits there and watches us while we use the toilet…thus living up to his new title of hentai cat.

☆彡 Jamieson Price is the voice of Duke in Tales of Vesperia, and I almost forgot how amazing his voice was until he spoke. He could read me the dictionary. That would not bother me at all.

★彡 If all goes correctly, Mark and I will return to Joelanta this weekend. I really can’t wait to go! Last year, I passed up on some really great toys and action figures because I was strapped for cash. This year…still strapped for cash (LOL), but it’s nowhere near as bad last year. Then again, this will probably be the time when my tires go flat or something. I really should stop jinxing myself. Okay, let’s start again. We are going to Joelanta again, we are going to get some cool things again, we are going to smile until our face hurts again, Mark is going to fanboy over Larry Hama again, and I’m just going to continue laughing at him about it again…as if I wouldn’t fangirl if I met someone who I admired. Yes, that sounds better.

☆彡 All of this reading seems counterproductive at first, but then I always remember what constant reading did for me in the past. I had a terrible speech impediment (still kind of do) and I struggled with basic writing as a kid until I started reading a lot. I’m talking like one book every two days. My librarians knew me on a first name basis. Let’s just put it that way! Anyway, I quickly realized that reading helped me more than tutoring sessions or intense scolding because it made learning fun. It was through books that I realized that learning can be fun, and not another method of torture for adults to inflict on children. So…there is no such thing as too much reading. With each book I complete, I see improvement in my writing, speech, and comprehension. I also pick up valuable lessons that make me wish I read half of these books ten years ago. *sigh* C’est la vie.

★彡 I am slowly but surely getting over the idea that realistic art = “good art”. What is “good art” anyway? Some of my favorite art pieces had no people, no buildings, and no landscapes. Yet, it was enough to fill me with happiness. Even character and fashion designs fill me with happiness. In the end, it is not about meeting a certain standard. Art is not a math test. There is not a wrong or right answer. That is something I have to accept. I also have to accept that art is not a movie. It is not there to entertain others. It does not matter who likes it or who dislikes it. What matters most is that I like it. Who in this entire world has the right to take my happiness away from me?  Perhaps I am still that girl stuck in art class, getting told by my art teacher that my style is “too commercial” and “difficult to relate to”. Meanwhile, my classmate does an artwork about 9/11, and receives a round of applause. Isn’t this just like every other field of art? Playing on popular emotions like love and hate get the round of applause, but eclectic things are often regarded as too “out there” for “normal” people. Why should my entire life revolve around what other people think and what other people feel and what other people want? I am ranting, I know. It is just one of those things that I bottled up for years. Looking back, I passed up on so many opportunities because I didn’t believe my art would wow a crowd, yet I never questioned why wowing a crowd is important in the first place. This isn’t about money for me. It isn’t about popularity either. I am just a woman who likes to draw, and that should be good enough. So, to hell with the “it’s not realistic enough” and “it’s not touching enough” bullshit. It’s a damn picture of a damn elf with some damn pretty clothes on, and you can just fucking deal with it. *AGGRESSIVELY OPENS SKETCHBOOK*

☆彡 I promise that I am not faded or drunk when I ask this, but am I the only one who looks at the things around me and feels overwhelmed by how amazing it is? For example, look at a shower. I am turning rain and off while adjusting its temperature. I cannot believe how awesome that is! Don’t even get me started on the internet. I don’t even know where to start. I bet if we brought someone from the 1800s to our century they would just fall on the floor and cry or something. Like…I don’t even know how I sit here sometimes, and tell myself that I am bored. How the fuck is this life even remotely boring? The fact that I can get in a big metal wagon and go to a place where thousands of inventors from all around the world display their things is…damn. My mind is being blown by shit I see on a daily basis. I don’t even know what I’m feeling right now.

tears

★彡 The saddest part about you believing that Star Trek is “for white people” is the fact that Star Trek opened more doors in the entertainment industry for black people than all of your favorite shows combined. Gene Roddenberry created Lt. Uhura — an African woman — during a time when the idea of both blacks and women in a leadership position was unheard of. Even more, when Nichelle Nichols (the actress who played Uhura) wanted to leave Star Trek it was Martin Luther King Jr. himself who begged her to stay because her role was important to blacks. I could continue to go down the list of doors Star Trek opened and point out the fact that its fanbase is very diverse, but I forgot that people like you are stuck in this white versus black mentality as opposed to the more sensible tolerant people versus intolerant people mentality. Exit my life, please.

☆彡 I want to give a shoutout to Otaku Cam for not only being really addictive, but also for being so awesome that Mark allowed me to take his picture just to use it…and now his face is on the background of my phone and I have been begging for this ever since I got my phone even though he called me treacherous for using it (LMAO). So, thanks Otaku Cam. Also, the Hentai Kamen frames are great.

★彡 I do have a long list of problems and imperfections, but they are my responsibility. I do not blame anyone for them. Even if someone came up to me right now and pushed me into the dirt, cleaning myself off is my responsibility. Dealing with the anger of being attacked is my responsibility. And while I would call the police to protect others from being pushed too, it is my responsibility to accept that sometimes my efforts to see justice done and to protect others is not enough. On this very day, at this very moment, I have two simple choices: progress or regress. And every solution I have to every problem I own falls into two categories: progression or regression. It is like this every second of my life until I am out of time. Planning is comforting, yes, but even I can admit that planning is no guarantee of my future. I just have to live in the moment, constantly choosing to go forward or stay behind. That is the type of black-and-white mentality I have towards my own life.

☆彡 If you like someone in Drakengard there is a 90% chance that (s)he is a sick fuck. If you like someone in Nier there is a 90% chance that (s)he will die. Yay! (Please remind me why I keep playing your games, Cavia?)

★彡 Note to self: Do not listen to “Gravelord Nito” when I am alone or in the dark. That shit is scary as fuck under those circumstances. Additional note, Nito is metal as fuck.

☆彡 *plans to watch a few episodes of The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl* *watches the entire show in one sitting* Whoops. Also, I really need to stop responding to everything I do with “bitches be _____” because it’s getting on Mark’s nerves and children might hear me if I say it in public. Bitches be forgetting.

★彡 Wow, if I ever win the lottery I am just going to disappear. The response I often get is: “Me too! I’m going to travel around the world!” Yes, but you plan to eventually come home and return to your identity. I am not doing that. I am paying off everything I owe, changing my name, and becoming an IRL Waldo. It is not a motherfucking game. Of course, I’ll let like five people know my new name and location, but after that I am pretty much a ghost. Bitches be vanishing. (Okay, I’m stopping!)

Alright. I’m going to get some stuff done, and attempt to put this scanner to use. I know that printer works! …Since I’ve been printing shit nonstop. 😐

EDIT:

I FORGOT TO POST THIS SONG IT’S AN ALTERNATE VERSION OF HISTORIA CRUX.

Still prefer the Origa version though.

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