If I had a dollar for every person who thought I thought “I was better than everyone else”… Well, you know the rest of the saying. LOL. It has come to a point where even though I do not believe I am superior to others, I will not bother to correct assumptions made about me because attempting to teach an ignoramus logic is a waste of precious time.
And, really, only an ignoramus will treat assumptions as facts in the first place.
Anyway, Mark and I did enough ranting in the car about the myriad of ways insecure people inconvenience us on a daily basis, so I do not need to repeat it all again in this entry. What I will repeat from our conversation, though, is this very valuable lesson:
Hate is a disease.
Even on a biological level, constant aggression and stress can harm you on the same level as a virus. The only way to make yourself immune to hate is to have enough self-esteem to love yourself and find happiness in the happiness of others. The only people who benefit from things like bullying are people who are miserable. Sure, they might put on the mask of arrogance around those who look on, but when they encounter a person who is beautiful or smart or successful or talented then that mask crumbles. And who do they blame? They blame you. It is your fault that they feel ugly, stupid, wretched, or useless. So, what do they do? They punish you for it. Of course, as someone with a decent level of confidence you cannot understand why anyone will accept such a stupid mentality, but that is the way of the world.
It’s funny. Not even hours before this hateful individual started calling me things like “stuck-up”, “shady”, and “she thinks she’s better than everyone else”, I came across a survey from a very bitter client. Instead of bubbling in the answers that applied to her, she wrote beneath every question, “This question is bullshit!” and “Why are you asking me this, stupid!” Fast forward a few questions later when asked about her living arrangement she entered, “Alone 😦 (Yes, she put a sad face)”. Is being alone something to feel bad about? Absolutely not. But if you are insecure you will constantly view the fact that you are alone as a flashing red sign above your head that says, “I’m a loser!”, and every time you see someone who is not alone you will grow resentful and assume that (s)he is judging you as a loser. This applies to many other things. If you view yourself as ugly, you will believe others view you as ugly. If you view yourself as stupid, you will believe others view you as stupid. It turns you into a hypersensitive person who gets offended by the simplest things–even a quiet person who is not being quiet to hurt your feelings, but is just quiet by nature.
Hateful people are just…sad. Every time I run into someone who gets angry at me for doing absolutely nothing, all I can think is: “You’re in a lot of pain, aren’t you?” I really don’t have to ask though. The answer is obviously, “Yes.” More than that, the answer is: “Yes, I am in pain, but instead of doing something productive with it I am going to do my best to make you miserable too.”
In the end, as pitiful as a person may be, I refuse to encourage hate with more hate. Furthermore, I am not going to change who I am because someone responds to me with hatred. Why should I? I not only have people in my life who love me for who I am, but I meet people every day who don’t insult me for being introverted. They accept me. Actually, my day began with a guy who approached me, mentioned that I was a very quiet person, and responded to that by making an effort to understand me. We spoke for a few minutes before we learned that we had a lot in common. We talked about how beautiful Savannah is, laughed about our art school ambitions, and he even asked me to bring in some drawings because he loves meeting people who know how to draw. It really amazes to me that two polar opposite reactions can come from the same thing–how my brain is wired.
I guess I’ll wrap this up by continuing my goal of following a negative with a positive. There are a lot of shit people in the world. I cannot put it any other way. The moment they open their eyes they start searching for someone–even something–to blame for the bitterness they feel. They will blame their spouse. They will blame their children. They will blame their cats. They will blame their dogs. They will blame strangers they pass in the street. They will blame their co-workers. They will blame their friends. They will blame their computer, their phone, their car, their stove, their refrigerator. And when they run out of things to blame, they will admit somewhat that it is their own fault…but they wouldn’t be so miserable if _________ didn’t make them that way!
It just goes on and on and fucking on.
Unfortunately, many wonderful people are forced to go through life and suffer the consequences of sharing a planet with emotionally unintelligent people who refuse to take responsibility for their own actions. Wonderful people get insulted, bullied, assaulted, and even killed because of these types of people, and that pisses me off infinitely more than being called uptight on a daily basis. It is important to me to take this experience of mine to remind everyone that behind every great person is a line of losers waiting to drag them down to their level. So long as you are beautiful, talented, intelligent, successful, etc. you will have a target drawn on your back, and I am so sorry for that. I would love nothing more than to remove suffering from the lives of the great people I know and will come to know in the future; however, I only have so many tools at my disposal. Perhaps this is one.
At the risk of sounding cheesy and preachy, I want everyone who has ever been a victim of bullying of any type to remember that there is something exceptional about you. Good-natured people will let you know by simply telling you that you are amazing, but mean-spirited people will find the strong points in you and work relentlessly to break them. Please put your foot down. Please remember that you deserve to be here. You deserve to own your personality, your body, your talents, your wealth, your hobbies, your clothes, etc. No one has the right to take those things away from you or tell you that they are wrong. So long as you are not hurting others, you are doing just fine. And I am not the only one who believes this. Just as people encourage me constantly without even knowing my name, there are people in the world who will do the same for you. Do not make yourself susceptible to hate by becoming like the insecure people in your life who cannot stand to see you be great, and become greater everyday.
That is my lame speech for the day. 😛
I am going to depart so I can scream at this Daenerys action figure Mark got for me today and then scream at Arkham City (LOL), but please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please wake up tomorrow and tell yourself that you deserve to be happy. If you ever find yourself in a dark place let it be a result of your own mistakes, not because of the lowlifes you encounter out there.
The weekend is almost here! I don’t care who you are, I am rooting for you! Keep fighting, and enjoy it! ♥♥♥